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| The breakup has impacted me greatly over the past few weeks. There are so many reasons and events that led up to it, that its hard to place emotion where it should be. I miss him, but not in the romantic sense. I miss the companionship, the phone calls everyday and the laughter. I think I knew a while ago that things were going to fall apart, but I felt like giving up was an easy way out. Than I realized that in reality, staying was the easy way out. I could easily give up my dreams and goals to make him happy. He wanted marriage after college, to move down and be with me in a year or two; all things that would have been easy to give. Instead, I took the route that hurt much more, because it involved breaking him in order to have the future and happiness I wanted. I took away his future to keep mine intact, which may have been selfish, but it sure wasn't easy. And than there was the follow up phone calls, where I patiently listened to hurtful words and anger and tears that showed the hurt I caused. I listened to him puke and cry and scream and compare me to hateful ex's. I felt the need, so we can have a friendship. I ignored his comments of how we will hookup when I come home, and I will realize that I need him, and that he'll take me back whenever I am ready. I don't miss him like that though. Is it worth everything to try and remain friends? I was called a whore two days ago in a moment of anger, and while I calmly corrected him, I wondered how much more can I take of it?
Than there is Mr. ATL. We're "dating" if you would like to call it that. It sounds better than friends with benefits, and in a way I guess it is different. My past "friends with benefits" experiences have been quite different from this, partially because I think there is more than just physical attraction between the two of us I guess. I don't want to make him a rebound and ruin any chances. And its good, because he's also dating but not exclusive with a girl from back home. I just feel uncommitted right now, which is probably a good thing.
I miss you a lot. The way we used to laugh and joke and know each other. You knew me. No, you know me.
I want Thanksgiving so bad. I tear up about it every time I think about it. I'm homesick after 3 months of being away. I can't believe its been three months already though. Or only three months. Or both. | | |
| I've been on the biggest rap kick lately. Lupe Fiasco is my new soulmate. I can't stop listening to him with some Jay-Z, Kanye West, Kid Cudi, and the occasional T.I. I just can't stop. I feel connected when I'm listening to it.
I cannot wait for Thanksgiving. I haven't been home in three months. The person I miss the most is definitely Lauren. I will most likely cry when I see her.
Train and Uncle Cracker concert this weekend. Excited? Yes. | | |
| I have a lot on my mind and I've kind of decided that i don;t care who read or judges me for this. I've basically stopped caring about most stuff, especially what people think of me. For all those kids I went to high school with, that might come as a shocker. Malia, everones' best friend, doesn't give a fuck. At. All. People from back home think I cheated on Spencer because of our break up...think what you want bitches. People who give me nasty looks for my new approach to boys... go fuck yourself. If I want to make out with him, I can. If I want to fucking makeout with everyone I can. I can drink I can party I can do what I want. I do what I want. And, the people who really liked me to begin with still do.
I was called a "My Size Barbie" yesterday. Keep in mind, Amanda was pretty tipsy at the time. She and Rea are going to find a hair crimper and do my hair and makeup. And to continue the randomness of this paragraph, I forgot I was a freshman earlier this week. Dead serious too. We were talking about how the older college boys were chasing the freshmen tail...and I said "Brian used to do that too..." to which Rea responded, "Seriously Malia?!" Oh wait, I am a freshman and he sure as hell chases me. I guess I feel so at home here? I feel so relaxed and together right now. Its fantastic. | | |
| I am unsure if I have written on this topic before, but I love my dorm. I love love love my dorm. I love eating with them three nights a week as an entire community. I love V.O.M.I.T, our monthly talent show where people play music, rap about the wonder of Preston, do Karate, or kareoke to a song that everyone needs to sing along with. I love Cereal Killers. I love that peoples doors are always open and ready for you to say hi. I love that we are ding a door decorating contest for halloween. I love that we decorated candy bags and filled them for orphans. I love that to earn money, we are dying boy's in Preston hair pink. I love that we can walk around trying to find someone who can tie a bowtie, and no one cares. I love that its my family here, a true home away from home.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?comments&v=1135483038400
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1124902654727&ref=nf
Please watch both. If not...at least watch the second one. It's worth it. | | |
| Malia and Spencer take two.
You're probably really confused if reading this. Sorry. | | |
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